ramblings

Today is cd 62. Last time I went to cd 65 and then they gave me a shot of progesterone. I am wondering if I should just take the provera and get it over with. I am really trying to trust in the Lord but it is so hard when nothing is going on. I fill like I'm in Limbo. I'm not pregnant and I'm not even close to getting there. Oh it is so so frustrating.

So I am approaching what should be my first childs first birthday. Last year it was a due date but this year it something so much more. The date is September 18th. Last year Josh and I went to a B&B for the weekend and had a really nice time. This year we will be getting back from Jamaica two days before. I don't know how I am going to feel about it this year. I not only think about all the stuff I missed by not staying pg and delivering, but now I have the thoughts of all the first year things I missed. And to make matters worse my other due date is October 12, so the next few months probably won't be much fun. I hate that my life is marked by two m/c. That everyday I reminded about the two babies I lost, that I will never get to hold. I pray that by this time next year I will either be pg or have had a baby. I really think that will make it all a little easier. It would be nice to be pg by either 9/18, 10/12, or my birthday 11/10. I guess all I can do is pray and hope.