one of those days

Thank you to Nicole for commenting on my blog. And also for the prayer. I will take all the prayer I can get!! I love this blogosphere. Complete strangers can read about each others lives and be intercessors. How great is that?!?!

I don't really know why but today is a sad day. Ok so I do know why. We had a baby dedication at church yesterday. Even though I am extremely happy for the women in my church that have those cute little bundle of joys. It still makes me sad to see what I don't have. To see the joy on the mommies faces, to have family come for the special moment. I wonder if this is something I will ever experience. I just hate this place that I am in right now. I can remember saying this so many times over the last two years. I want to be that happy go lucky girl I used to be. That even though my childhood sucked, life was still good and I was still a pretty happy person. I have a great husband, wonderful friends and family. But that doesn't seem to be enough anymore. I am just a shadow of the person I used to be. I feel like a zombie sometimes. Just going through the motions of life. I hate that my life is marked by miscarriage and infertility. I don't want that to be WHO I am. I want to be a wife, friend, daughter, worshipper, intercessor, giver... I really need the Joy of the Lord right now. I'm not sure how to get to that place. The place where His joy is bigger than my struggles and sadness. But that is my prayer today. That He would shower me with his joy.