One year ago today.

I should have been delivering my first child. Hearing him/her cry for the first time. Relishing in the fact that I was a mother and this was my child. But things did not work out that way. And so I sit here a year later with empty arms and an empty womb. Life is so different than I thought it would be when I was younger. So different than this time a year ago. So many questions still unanswered. So many dreams left unfulfilled. I am thankful that I was on vacation last week because it has made this day easier for me. I spent a week not obsessing about ttc or being pregnant, or saddened every time I saw a pregnant women. It truly was a nice break from the reality that is my daily life. So here I am on cd6, yes it finally showed up. And even though I am happy that I can continue my efforts to have a child, I am saddened that I am having to. That it is so hard for me to get this one thing that others get so easily. Women who don't even want to have children can and I can't. October 10th will be cd 28. Will that day bring joy or the same sadness I have felt for so many months? Will I get the answer to my prayers that day, so when Oct 12 rolls around my sadness will be overshadowed by my joy. Will the fact that I may finally be pregnant help me get through what should be the birth of my second child? I guess we will all have to wait and see.